I think this is the longest I’ve gone without posting.
Just sitting down to collect my thoughts and write them here is raising my heart rate. My mind is both full and blank. The different parts of my head take turns fucking with me: my brain, my temples, my sinuses, my blocked nose and ear (mostly the right). I’m lucky if I get an accumulated five hours of sleep a night. I can’t sleep in a bed, just couches, no matter where I am: started in London, then my parents’ and now at home. My home. It feels like a stranger to me and I need to love it again. I’m finding it a challenge to fill my lungs with the oxygen required to breathe normally. And sometimes I forget to breathe at all and have to remind myself.
I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and I’m doing everything I can to fix myself.
Below is a Facebook status update I posted November 4. It’s how things began, in a nutshell. I was so desperate for answers and help when I wrote this:
Another status update:
The drawings I started in October: