friday’s thing } it’s not a painting, it’s a sounding board

things aren’t supposed to take form but they are and i’m not sure if i’m happy about it

A few Fridays ago I decided to take out a roll of canvas-like material (I’ll never know what it is, it smells like upholstery fabric but it’s quite stiff and nasty) and start doodling on it with my paints. Nothing made sense in my life and I didn’t want this ‘painting‘ to make sense. It was an exercise in ignorance of color, form and composition. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t help avoiding total anarchy. This morning I decided to return to this painting. I’m not as confused as I was then but I’m just as determined to create a dystopian work. It’s not easy.

unrolled. usually when i look at a painting that i’d stopped working on for a while, i get some sense of ‘it’s not as bad as i remember it’. not with this one

i had to keep remembering that this was an exercise in not over-thinking. i’ve been finding it very difficult to relax my mind. people tell me to meditate but i get fidgety. i have too much energy for that sort of thing